How are you? I am fine. Well, actually...... I'm freakin' ecstatic! I just wanted to let you know what's been going down, seeing that you've been away for so long and all.
First things first....... I need to apologize for my failing to keep you thriving. I should be reported to DEFACT....... you know, the Department of Fatties and Camel Toes, for my complete irresponsibility for your safety and well being. To this I'm deeply sorry and promise to keep you better in tune and pay you more attention.
Secondly, I just want to welcome you back and ask you about your extended Holiday. Did you enjoy your stay away? Did you do some sightseeing? Rest up? Mani/Pedi? I honestly hope you had lots of fun and enjoyed yourself. I sorta missed you.
Now that the formalities are done....... here's the scoop. While you were gone, I joined this group called Future MILF's. Yeah, I've heard some people take offense to the name BUT ...... just get over it ...... it's funny. Anyhoo...... this gal named Lotta...... she started it and has many other Fatties join as well. I began seeing the changes that this Lotta chick has been making....... slow and steady while following Weight Watchers. HMMmmm? Got me to thinking.
So, I decided to join Weight Watchers. It's been so nice..... truly it has. I'm not having to eat unsalted chicken breasts, salads or carrots all day long but real everyday food. Hell, today I ate two Snack Wraps from McDonald's....... and they were mighty fine tasting too.
What's the point of all this, I just know your asking yourself this........... so, I'll tell ya. I went to my Weight Watchers meeting last night for my weigh in and guess the Hell what! I lost 4.6 more pounds. Yup....... it's true! I must say that since I have joined that I haven't stuck like I should have, fell off the wagon a few times....... and well, haven't really taken it seriously........... until today.
I was not only able to put on but actually ZIP AND BUTTON two pairs of pants that I haven't been able to put on and zip and button for many a month. Oh, and that's not the best part........ I COULD ACTUALLY BREATHE WHILE WEARING THEM AND ......... WITHOUT TONS OF OVERFLOW!! I know........ it's freakin' amazing!!
So, I'm writing you this letter Metabolism, to thank you and apparently welcome you back. I seem to be able to burn more calories and use you correctly and I wanted to thank you for your time and energy. And, to tell you that I love you and everything you do for me.
I'll see you later........ please don't leave me again....... especially when PMS comes around. We both know what a bitch she can be!
Keep it burning,