Plumtickled

Man with boobs

Yup, that's me......... or, that's the way I'm feeling at the moment.

I was so excited to get my haircut on Tuesday....... days it took to pick out my new "do"........ or as I like to call it now, my new "doo doo".   Why oh why do the hair cut gods do this to me?   For a good laugh, point and pee session?  To make themselves feel better about their haircuts? 

Probably.

So, I have to tell ya'll about my cut.......... it's therapy so just sit back and chill.  I'll be here a while. 

I kinda knew going in that it's a short haircut........ and it might make me have the "small head-big body" look............ but I just threw caution to the wind and said....... "it'll grow back".  Um, someone kick me in the ass for that one........ what was I thinking?

Now, I'm not saying it's as bad as the dude above but, let's just say......... he looks more feminine than me.  I swear ya'll.......... I felt like a big manly tugboat with short darker- than- usual- hair walking around my shop yesterday..... horrible.

And, I'm not over reacting so put those thoughts away.  I'll tell you how bad it is.....

I took my boy Cole to get his hair cut last night....... one full day after mine by the same girl...... who by the way only did what I asked............. and, she even looked funny at me.  Later, she asked....... "so, are you happy with your hair?"....... knowing full and well what she was really asking me..... "holy crap, please don't tell people that I did this to you"..... uh huh.  Nice.

And....... not just that but it's the hair cut when your husband says nothing about.  Not one word...... not good, not bad......... nothing.  Like it'll go away if he ignores it.

I think it stems from a bad experience when I was 13 years old.  I had the Princess Diana hair....... short and feathered.  Yeah, I was a looker.  Actually cute and had many boyfriends.  Til' one day I was at the dentists office sitting in the chair waiting for him to come in and work on my teeth.  He walks in quick like and says this, I'm not kidding people.....

"Heeellllooooo there young Ma.... Lady."  He totally thought I was a guy.  Totally ignoring the boobs and makeup.  Dip shit.  Now I'm all screwed up in the hair cut head.

I don't understand ya'll........ I used to have the hair mojo.  I could do my hair any way I wanted and it always looked great.  No matter the cut....... color or style....... I looked good.  Then, it's like the moment I got pregnant with Amelia I turned funky.

Funky Ya'll.  What up?

Please, all of you fall to your knees and beg those hair gods to send my hair back........ even the damn perm...... I'll take it back and treat it so much better than I did.  I so promise.  Ack!

So, in true Judi style........ I'll go around like Don King up there acting like my hair is fine as hell........ or maybe I'll follow the husbands lead and ignore it........ maybe it will go away. 

No fillings and nose hair

I was just thinking about American Idol.  This is the first year that I've watched it from the beginning and now I understand what the hub bub is all about.......  I'm so enjoying the weekly tune in with the contestants and can totally say that I've seen improvements in their performances........ well, except for that Sanjaya kid.  I'm embarrassed for him......... let him go home. 

Anyhoo.......... like I said, I was thinking about Ameican Idol today while doing my dishes and the thought occured to me about their teeth and nose hair.  When they throw their heads back and open their mouths to belt one out....... where are their fillings and nose hair?  They're non exsistant.  Spooky isn't it?

Go look in your mirror....... take a good close-up look and see what I mean about the nose hair.......... see........ what'd I tell ya!  They must get the whole makeover thing like those girls on America's Next Top Model when they get their bikini waxing thing done.  Which hurts worse, nose hair or bikini hair?  HMmmmmmm?  Maybe they use one of these?

When will the madness end?

This is crazy I tell ya.......... insane I say!  I'm a thirty five and 7/12th year old woman and guess what I woke up with this morning.  I'll give you a couple of hints:

1.  It has it's own heartbeat.

2.  It makes my head tilt to the left due to the sheer weight of it's being.

3.  My eyes water when my face moves.

4.  Mountain climbers are loading up fresh batteries in their beacon beeping thing-a-ma-jigs for their chance at reaching it's snowpeaked crest.

5.  Even though teenagers are supposed to be the ones that get these....... it still doesn't make me look younger.

Okay......... I'll give y'all a moment of silence to gather your thoughts...... when you think you've guessed the answer just take in a deep breath and shout it out!!

If you yelled "big fat whopper of a zit".......... you guessed right. Why couldn't it be a mild case of the stomach flu?  Hell, at least I'd lose a couple of pounds and have a true excuse as to why I can't leave the house.  I'd even settle for a good ole fashioned case of lock jaw or the hydrophobe........ let's face it........... nobody wants to see my jaw muscles frozen shut or foaming at the mouth.

Today a photographer came to our house to take some pictures of Amelia Claire.  So, I spent all day................ and I mean all day sewing her two whole entire outfits for this photo shoot.......... praying like hell she wouldn't want to step foot in my house for any shots of her since it looked and more than likely smelled like some hogs were rolling around in there own feces right in my very own living room.  Thank God we stuck to the out of doors.  Needless to say, she took one picture of me getting Amelia Claire ready and all I could think about was how the sun would reflect from my chin and somehow shine back into her camera and blind her for life.  She'd have photographic proof if she ever decided to sue me for loss of career.   

Oh well, back to the make up drawing table.  I'll spackle this fiend and pretend it's not there.  That's just how I roll people.  Power to the zit. 

Laundy art

HMmmmmm......... it looks as though I have a mystery artist in my family.  To my delight, I happened upon this art project as I wash brushing my teeth.  Oh, what talent!  Just feast your eyes on the delicate lines one of my sons has produced with his favorite medium....... hangers.  My amateur photos do no justice to this piece....... just look at the way the light captures the angles.......... oh, my heart be still me!

I actually think it's good enough to make ones eyes wander from the mountain of dirty clothes waiting for me to wash.  What do you think?