This is what lies....

beneath tons of flubbery blubber:

 

sigh..... why..... for the love of humanity...

why... oh why....?!!?!!

 

Why did I let myself "go". 

These picture's weren't taken 20 years ago, or ten years for that matter.  They were taken five short years ago and damn, have I aged!  How can a person go from this sweet, tanned, toned hottie to this:

 

Great googaleeee moogalee!  Let's think outloud, shall we?

**********************************

I used to think I was a stressed out non-eater and a happy cow.  Translation...... I wouldn't eat when I was stressed such as during my divorce and would eat like a cow when I was happy such as when I was off with a friend or sister.  HMmmmm?  Looking back at my life now I can see it a bit differently. 

When those pictures were taken, I was recently divorced.   HMmmmmm?  I found independence...... got atattoo and was on my own with my two boys.  HMmmmmm?  I was dating several guys that were totally awesome and was having the time of my life.  I worked at a job that I loved with friends that I loved and had time for myself.  HMmmmm?  I remember that I would spend time in the tub soaking and when I got out I would slather down my freshly shaved legs and toned body with lotions that smelled girly.  I would go to the tanning bed after work and spend 20 mintutes listening to music and relaxing.  I had my boys to myself and we had a nice little life. 

Then, I met my Darren ........ I weighed 152 pounds and wore a slightly baggy size 12, which sounds huge to some of you so you must know that I'm 5'8" and a 12 wasperfect.  We fell in love instantly.... I heard he told someone that he loved me the first night we met.... I think I did too.  Eight months later we married:

 

and I had already gained close to 20 pounds!  Happy cow, right?  Stay with me here.

Ten months later, I had Amelia Claire.  Darren had changed jobs twice by then and I stayed home to raise my kids.  More weight was adding on and not coming off.  Still a happy cow.

We moved and Darren was laid off.  He found a job a month later and things got better.  I opened a quilt shop with my Mom & sister.... cut the top of my thumb off, had a horribly sad miscarriage, conceived again, closed my shop and moved it home...... had Avonlea four months ago.  Now, I have laundry piles for six people, five minute showers, hair that is quick to fix, slighty hairy & very white legs, bills out the ying yang and a flap of fat that hangs over my latest c-section scar.  And POOF...

Here I am weighing 209 pounds!

Happy cow?  Maybe not.  Let's evaluate:

Skinny me seemed to havetime.  Lots of time.  Back then it didn't feel  like it but compared to now..... time stood still.  I had time for myself and used it on myself......... it was nice.  I had a little paycheck that paid my bills and took me & my boys to the beach a few times a week during the summer.  (Beaches are free).   

Flubbery me.... hasn't any spare time.  I can't even pee without little knuckles hitting the bathroom door asking me for a drink.  Everyday I have something to do or somewhere to go, for someone else.  My paycheck.... is my Etsy money & child support and to be honest.... it isn't covering my bills.  And, the last time I was alone with my husband was our anniversary last March.

I'm starting to rethink the whole happy cow thing.  I'm thinking that I may be a stress eater.  Just thinking that I might need totweak things around this joint.  HMmmmmmm?

I'm gonna take some time out tonight to give this some thought and get back with you tomorrow with my tweaks. 

How about you?

It makes no sense to worry about things you have no control over because there's nothing you can do about them, and why worry about things you do control? The activity of worrying keeps you immobilized.
Wayne Dyer

Comments

[Jayne]

Hi Judi- So happy you started this site. Hope you don't mind if I follow along? I bought some dresses from my little girl from your Etsy site a while back and have been a follower of your blog ever since. I love the way you keep things real.

This post described me to a T. I feel exactly the same way. I KNOW that I am a stress eater. I need to figure out how to change that. I have those same pictures too and yes they are less then 5 years old too so I can so relate! Know that someone out here is cheering you on and working on it herself :)

[Joy]

Oh how i needed to read that quote you have at the end of this post!
I to have my skinny pictures from 5 years ago and I am determined to get the weight off this year!
Good luck to you, i know we can do it :)