Plumtickled

My hips and nose....

Future MILF report:

Um.  The report is, I'm still a fatty boomba latte.  Actually...... I don't care for Latte's...... sorry Meredith...... so I should say that I'm a fatty-boomba-anything-I-am dying-to-eat/crave-this-very-second-lotty.

Much, much more realistic.

Last night, I made sure I had everything in order for my first Weight Watchers visit of the year.  My book..... I actually knew where it was.  Supper........ made a ready for my hungry guys.  My attitude....... ready for the new year of gaining but needing some help on controlling it.  I should have known something was wrong.... it's never that easy.

I was kicked out.  Booted.  Fired.  Shoved out the door.

I kid you not ya'll......... I was kicked out on my pregnant butt.  When the leader heard I was expecting she just shook her head no.  I felt soooo stupid standing there in line like one of the normals waiting to be weighed and then KABLLOOOOM!

I may be exaggerating a bit.  I may be a slight bit sensitive with the hormones and all, I'm  just not sure.  Apparently, Weight Watchers won't even allow pregnant women at the meetings!  She said that pregnant women shouldn't be on a diet to lose weight..... uh, duh.  I told her I didn't want to lose weight, I just thought I could attend the meetings and not weigh in........ just keep on getting the support and so on.  I also told her that I read online that others preggo's are following the maintenance plan and that' s what I thought I could do.

She really is a great lady and I'm going to miss her so I'm not taking this personally.  She said she wouldn't mind me sitting in on meetings but if her Manager were there....... I wouldn't be able to even do that.

Man.  I can feel my hips and my nose getting wider and wider and wider.  They're always the body parts that blow up while I'm pregnant.  What am I going to do?

Please, all of you skinny people out there don't say willpower, strength and blah blah blah.  We all know you smoke the crack to stay slim.  Don't try to screw with my head...... I'm needing Burger King Onion Rings with their Zesty horseradish sauce this very second or a slaw dog from Dairy Queen, do NOT mess with me man!

So, I guess I need to clear off my treadmill, add new batteries to my walk-man and get my hips in gear.  Anyone out there have any exercises for noses?

Are you there Metabolism..... it's me Judi

How are you?  I am fine.  Well, actually...... I'm freakin' ecstatic!  I just wanted to let you know what's been going down, seeing that you've been away for so long and all. 

First things first....... I need to apologize for my failing to keep you thriving.  I should be reported to DEFACT....... you know, the Department of Fatties and Camel Toes, for my complete irresponsibility for your safety and well being.  To this I'm deeply sorry and promise to keep you better in tune and pay you more attention.

Secondly, I just want to welcome you back and ask you about your extended Holiday.  Did you enjoy your stay away?  Did you do some sightseeing?  Rest up?  Mani/Pedi?  I honestly hope you had lots of fun and enjoyed yourself.  I sorta missed you.

Now that the formalities are done....... here's the scoop.  While you were gone, I joined this group called Future MILF's.  Yeah, I've heard some people take offense to the name BUT ...... just get over it ...... it's funny.  Anyhoo...... this gal named Lotta...... she started it and has many other Fatties join as well.  I began seeing the changes that this Lotta chick has been making....... slow and steady while following Weight Watchers.  HMMmmm?  Got me to thinking. 

So, I decided to join Weight Watchers.  It's been so nice..... truly it has.  I'm not having to eat unsalted chicken breasts,  salads or carrots all day long but real everyday food.  Hell, today I ate two Snack Wraps from McDonald's....... and they were mighty fine tasting too. 

What's the point of all this,  I just know your asking yourself this........... so, I'll tell ya.  I went to my Weight Watchers meeting last night for my weigh in and guess the Hell what!  I lost 4.6 more pounds.  Yup....... it's true!  I must say that since I have joined that I haven't stuck like I should have, fell off the wagon a few times....... and well, haven't  really taken it seriously........... until today.

I was not only able to put on but actually ZIP AND BUTTON  two pairs of pants that I haven't been able to put on and zip and button for many a month.  Oh, and that's not the best part........ I COULD ACTUALLY BREATHE WHILE WEARING THEM AND ......... WITHOUT TONS OF OVERFLOW!!  I know........ it's freakin' amazing!!

So, I'm writing you this letter Metabolism, to thank you and apparently welcome you back.  I seem to be able to burn more calories and use you correctly and I wanted to thank you for your time and energy.  And, to tell you that I love you and everything you do for me.

I'll see you later........ please don't leave me again....... especially when PMS comes around.  We both know what a bitch she can be!

Keep it burning,

Sincerely, Judi

Cootchy Smooth & lots-o-random junk

I have such an apology to make!  To my swap partner Northern Michigan Mom.......... I've totally forgotten about this MILF swap!  I'm a dork/moron/butt-head/dum-dum & jerk but ............. I'm cootchy smooth!

I have your swap ready to be mailed out today........  I hope you like it and will forgive me.  There was alot going on here when the swap started .......... I guess my mind ran out of gas. 

Meanwhile........... here is what she sent me....... and I love it!  (And so does my husband!)

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I have to also share a little sweetness that I bought for me to try and wear Amelia Claire last night!  I have to start off by saying that I normally  don't buy things I can make myself because..... I'm cheap and I'm guessing it may be a bit of pride getting in the way..... but this..........

......it somehow hit me in a soft spot and stayed on my mind for a whole day and a half. I bought it from Esther's Chinny Chin Chin Etsy shop!  Go see her blog for a quick look at her Fall Collection of children's clothing that she ingeniously made from thrifted clothing!  I'm dying to see the rest up on Etsy!  Hurry........ load it all!

I'm off to get ready for work.  I'm still plugging away at Amelia's quilt but will take a break soon to sew her some pants for the Fall.  She's in need of some warmer clothes and with my luck....... all heck will break loose with the weather and she'll be stuck with halter dresses! 

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Oh and an update on the "hair doo-doo".......... it's better.  I tried to take a picture while in the car last night on my way to Weight Watchers and this is the best shot........... yeah, I used to get paid to take people's pictures.  Can't you tell?

My MILF update...... gained a little but I'm thinking it's leftover food from Sundays- super- all- day- eat- everything- you- can-fit-into-your-mouth- binge.  I'm better now and am back on track.  I didn't exercise at all last week but will get back to it today.  I truly want to regain "the hotness" I was was. 

Hey?  Who's laughing out there?

Future MILF weight update

Tuesday weigh in confession time: 

Weight lost so far:  12.2 pounds. 

(A Tasso Ham, as pictured above weighs 1.2 pounds)

I made it to my Weight Watchers meeting last night and found out I lost 1.2 pounds.  Of course I wish it was more but after eating watermelon, General Tso's chicken, honey chicken, crab and cream cheese wrapped won tons, about 200 fried biscuits rolled in sugar, noodles, meat on a stick, Mongolian beef, egg drop soup and green beans, at a Chinese Buffet and then having two slices of pizza for supper the other night........ I ain't gonna gripe!

(Apparently this book titled.... "Just Junk" weighs 1.2 pounds)

I have sold enough dresses and stuff that I can now buy my friends treadmill!  It's a nice one too and can't wait to strap on the old heavy duty, triple acting, 36DD boob handling sports bra that I bought last year when Cole and I signed up for a 5K run.  Yes, you can chuckle at that one if you must..... it was the thought that counted!

(This nice little camcorder weighs a mere 1.2 pounds as well)

So, to my fellow MILF'ers and Rhiannon...... I'm still a loser....... but in a good weigh!  Har, har, har....... do you get it?  In a good weigh? 

Um, sorry about that last bit..... I'm drunk on Crystal Light "Energy" and I'm not in my right mind.  To tell you the truth...... I'm making grilled cheese sandwiches with provolone, Muenster & Pepper Jack cheese on Texas toast for supper and I'm trying to talk myself into eating something.......... anything but that!  But, you all know how unbelievable grilled cheese smells. 

Be strong Judi...... be strong my sistas.  Word.

Future MILF weigh in... even though it's not Friday

Yup.  I went to my Weight Watchers meeting last night as was totally shocked!

I only lost .6 pounds. 

Huh?  I soooo should have lost more than that....... for the love of all that's good and Holy what happened!

So, I was told to think of it as it being a pebble.... a pebble.  Okay, so this pebble is supposed to add up to a mountain, got it.  I'll think of the damn .6 as a pebble. 

So, in my "glass is half full" thinking I came up with these helpful points:

• So far I've lost 11 pounds exactly.  Pebble.
• I'm under 200 pounds.  Pebble.
• My fat isn't hanging over my pants today.  Pebble.
• I'm over my addiction to Dr. Pepper.  (just changed it to Strawberry Wal-Mart brand Crystal Light.  Pebble.
• I'm learning patience.  Pebble.
• I'm working on my appearance once again.  (New haircut, new clothes, etc).  Pebble.

So, there ya go MILF'ers.  Although I only lost .6 pounds I'm still in the running for my goal.  I only have 34 pounds to go to be super skinny again.  (Or back into a size 12 Long...... I'm 5'8" tall so a twelve looks great on me and only have about 2 sizes to get there!  Yay me!).

I've been trying to get things loaded onto Etsy and have had a hard time.  Long story........ I'll explain it tomorrow maybe! 

Ya'll...... have a great day!  It's so nice to come here and talk about my fat, my shop, my family and my sewing! 

Two pincushions sitting in a tree......

One pincushion said to the other...

"Hi there,  when are you due?"

With a puzzled look, the other pincushion said:

"Due?  Why in the world would you ask such a thing?"

"The first pincushion said:

"Oh sorry, I heard you were late".

Ba Dum Bum....

Yup.... again,

"If it wasn't for the last second...... I'd get nothing done."

Late, shmate....... Tait.  Hey, late rhymes with Tait...... my Maiden name.  It all makes sense now.  All my life I've wondered and now the mystery is solved.  Thanks Dad!

These are my swaps that were due out on the 7th..... yes. a.week.ago.  Deeply sorry to those I owe but you know how life can be.  Rhiannon and Lotta...... yours are next..... promise.  Oh, and uh....... my birthday giveaway....... you're all getting something.  Soon.  Um.  Yeah, soon.

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Future MILF weigh in:

I went to my Weight Watchers meeting last night and ..... well, does my typing look thinner to you?  'Cause I lost 3.4 more pounds!  WOooo HOOoooo ....... that's a little bit over 10 pounds so far!  I'm kicking my own ass off!  Literally!

To those MILF'ers who are struggling........ keep it going.  Chug along...... eventually it will all be worth it!  Love ya'll!

(Aren't Crepe Myrtle's pretty?)

Future MILF weigh in time!

Last night I went to my third WW meeting and found that I lost 2.2 pounds!  For those of you who can't fathom what 2.2 pounds is.... let me break this down for ya:

Just to get your mind around the idea of how much this is... here are a few examples:

A big fat frog:

A Beautiful Christmas Fruitcake:

A small dog:

or one of these:  http://www.central4wd.com/inventorydetail.aspx?page=id%7C13078;folder%7C5542

*Note..... I caution those of you who do not appreciate male parts, do not click on the link above!

This means that so far I've lost a whopping 8 pounds since starting the points program and I couldn't be happier with myself!  It's been a breeze....... well, except for the day I ate THE ENTIRE BAG OF PINEAPPLE LUMPS that Rhiannon sent me!  Oh, and two of the orange sticks and some of the chips........   I just chalked them up to being my 35 extra for the week and was careful the remaining days. 

Speaking of Rhiannon...... guess flippin' what!  She has put some things on Etsy finally!  Please go by and visit her and check her cool things out.  I am so loving my "ball bag" and so is everyone else that sees it!  The work is just unreal..... go see!  Christmas is coming and I'm sure you know someone that would love something of hers!

Anyhoo....... today I'm off to Gilligans Island with the kids.  Amelia slept in her bed like a big girl and as promised by her very tired and sleep deprived Mommy............ we're making cookies, packing a lunch and going "fwimmin". 

They may be swimming......but I'll be burning calories!  HOOray!

On my way to the new me!

*Note..... the following picture may or may not reflect the actual Judi.  This should in no way deflect the honesty in the following post.  Sincerely, the management.

Tonight I had my second weigh in at Weight Watchers...... this is my first where I was weighed after following the points program.  I am proud to say that I lost 5.8 pounds and just look at me!  The difference is astounding, is it not?

My husband is thrilled with the new me........ and can you blame him?

Okay, I'm feeling guilty.  It's not my body above.... it's a stand in, I'm sorry for the truth stretching.  It's just that with this almost six pound loss, I'm like so totally stoked about the end result.  I have 44 more pounds to go and for some reason have come to terms with the amount of time it's going to take. 

Not true dear child........ with this diet, I feel free to eat what I want......... just with control.   I'll soon look like this once again:

*Note, This is a top, not a nightie.  I loved it until it's quick death after gaining enough weight to tear the hell out of it.  Sincerely again, the management.

Four years ago this month.  Yup, that's the picture my husband saw first.  Sucker.

Anyhoo....... I'm on a streak and will continue to climb down the weight ladder.   To my fellow MILF lady friends...... power to the Crystal Light, 100 calorie packs and free points.  May we we rock our husbands world's once again! 

Bow chicky bow wow! 

Don't believe me.... just look!

I have actually been able to do a bit of crafting....... and I love it!  One of the things that attracted me to Etsy were the handmade clay pendants.  I can spend hours looking through them all and I love so many!  I've always been one to try and make something I've seen.  I don't know whether it's the challenge or the fact that I'm always dead ass broke.  I'm pretty sure it's both.  So, with my last JoAnn's coupon I bought myself a pasta machine, 3 packs of clay and some stamps.  And I made these:

and these with MOM and CKA.... my kid's initials:

It was really easy.  Here's how I did it....... I took my sculpy clay out of the package..... so far so good!  Then I flattened it just a bit and ran it through my machine...... totally bypassing the directions to pass a handi-wipe through it first to rid it of grease and stuff, so dummy me ended up having bits of black specky things on my piece of clay.  Anyhoo, I only ran it through the largest setting because I found that if I made it any thinner...... it wouldn't be very sturdy.  I stamped it with my stamps and then cut it with a knife.  I used a bamboo shish-ka-bob stick thingy to make the hole.  I placed them on a cookie sheet and baked it as the package directed.  After letting them cool I sanded them down and tried to get as much crooked-ness out of them as I could.  Although, looking at them now in a new light and fresh brain..... I think I sorta like the wompiness of them.

Here are few more:

I truly could have done this all day long, it was so much fun!  I still plan on brushing it with a bit of black or brown acrylic paint and then wiping it off, just to antique it up a bit.  I also bought some sealer that I'll brush on to finish it up.  I'll try to grab a picture of it on my chain and around my neck when they're completed! 

I signed up for Weight Watchers Friday night, online.  I'll make my first weigh in on Monday night.  I've just gotten so huge...... I only have few pairs of pants with zippers that I can fit into anymore.  So, in celebration of this crucial event I made this:

I'm taking today to eat like I'm on Death Row and every piece of food is my last meal.  I've had some of the fudgy frosting from the pan, I made some Ramen Noodles with a couple of hot dogs in it, a piece of cake, and an ice cream sandwich.  I still have supper and dessert to go.  For those who start their meetings tomorrow this recipe is for you:

INGREDIENTS

• 1 cup hot brewed coffee
• 1 cup butter
• 5 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 cups white sugar
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 3 eggs
• 1 (8 ounce) container sour cream
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
•  
• 1/2 cup butter
• 6 tablespoons milk
• 6 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
• 4 cups confectioners' sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 cup chopped pecans

DIRECTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour a 12x18 inch sheet pan. In a saucepan, combine coffee, 1 cup butter and 5 tablespoons cocoa. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and stir until smooth. Remove from heat and set aside.
2. In a large bowl, combine flour, white sugar, baking soda and salt. Make a well in the center and pour in eggs, sour cream and 1 teaspoon vanilla. Mix well, then beat in cocoa mixture. Spread into prepared pan.
3. Bake in the preheated oven for 20 to 25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean. Frost while still warm.
4. To make the Frosting: In a saucepan, combine 1/2 cup butter, milk and 6 tablespoons cocoa. Bring to a boil, reduce temperature and stir until smooth. Remove from heat and blend in the confectioners' sugar. Stir in 1 teaspoon vanilla and chopped pecans. Spread on cake while still warm.

I'd add the calories and fat count and crap but it would ruin the taste!  It's very rich, moist and chocolatey....... you just can't beat it for a sweet craving........ especially if you have the PMS like me!  Bluck!

This is a kitty I made years ago.  It's painted and then antiqued with goopy stuff and dressed in a dress I made from a vintage pillowcase.  I don't usually keep things I've made which is a shame.  I've decided to stop doing that, 'bout time.

This + this = is never a good thing

It's been an interesting week around our house.  First of all...... last Sunday while away at the Zoo, which mind you is about an hour away in Jacksonville Florida, there was a storm.  Apparently it was a good sized storm with enough wind and rain that it caused a large limb to break and fall in our yard.  Luckily for us, it barely missed the house, my car and the "car port".  Then, Friday I was cooking supper in the kitchen and just happened to see this scene outside my window:

Hmmm..... curiosity got the best of me so I went outside to investigate.  This is what else I saw:

What in the Hell?!  Yeah, that's what I said!   So, lets add things up shall we?  Take the picture of Cole with a rope and the picture of Darren, my angel of a husband in the tree, on a ladder with a chain saw....... what does that equal?

An aggravated Step-Dad, and aggravated Step-son, a bent carport thingy and a moment captured on disc, forever.  Yeah, great idea guys..... just great!  I guess Cole was supposed to pull continuously so when the limb was cut free, it would "be pulled away from the carport and totally miss it".  Um, right.

*Side note:  See the cute little building behind the disastrous scene?  That's my sewing room...... where all the magic happens!  (Um, when I can walk through it without stepping over stuff that is.)

Then, we get this:

Meet Spoodles, the dog my Mom changed her mind on.  Ain't she just the cutest little carpet crapping, peeing and chewing on stuff puppy you've ever seen in your whole entire life?  I think she is...... but I get the feeling Sandy Big Head and Phoebe don't.  I just can't put my finger on why they wouldn't be thrilled to have her join our family. 

My Mom fell in love with her but after a couple of days decided that FIVE dogs IN HER HOUSE was too many...... so we now own a Yorkshire Terrier or Yorkie.  She's not supposed to get much bigger so it will be nice to have a house dog and have her not be able to clear the coffee table with her tail as the other two did ........ when they were house dogs.  I got to take her home under the stipulation that we keep her name Spoodles....... which we have, but I added a middle name to make her more "ours"..... so her new name is "Spoodles McBadAss Music".  So much more fitting, don't you think?

On crafting news:

I bought this Amy Butler fabric this morning to make me a dress out of this "Easy 2 hour" pattern.  I hope it'll fit over my homegrown & hand fed wide hips I've developed this year.  I need to get on the program over at Lotta's.  She's started a MILF group and I've been soooo slacking.  Not to mention I'm part of a weekly meeting of fat ladies that meet every Monday night......... I think I'm too comfortable with them and need to stir things up a bit.  I've been thinking about joining Weight Watchers and seeing how I do with the unfamiliar ladies there.  Lotta has been kicking ass lately and even though we have never met...... I'm totally proud of her!  Good job Lotta babe!

I'll be back tomorrow with a report on my fat lady group and more news on our Quilt Shop!  Have a great night ya'll......... and Rhiannon, if you read this......... you're great!  I'm going to email you later and get that address and send you a goody box just for you that will hopefully make you feel better!!  (And that crazy little boy of yours!!).

Oh, and this........ she who holds the camera gets to take pictures of whatever she wants!  I love these legs........ they are 36" long ya'll.